What is up?
Dude, Africa HOT? In January? What is up with THAT? I had the most torturous drive home today, traffic in like 87 degree weather, and I only brought one single cigarette w/ me. I was soooo sleepy man, I don't know how the heck I got here...but I'm here, and I'm hot...so it sucks. This is another reason I'm so reluctant to move home, Irvine is total coastal city and like 10 degrees cooler when it's hot as a mug like this... Speaking of this rather unusual hot weather...everyone is totally loving it and enjoying it(well, those that like hot weather, Me, I rather enjoy the cold weather...unless I'm at the beach) seem to be overlooking the possible consequences of sweltering heat in the winter. Heat means no rain, no rain leads to a dry season and dry season leads to droughtville. Plus the heat causes us to use the AC more and all that junk, so let's all pray for a lot of rain, shall we? He he he, I've never been much of a convincer...time to go douse myself in ice cold water....

What a thursday...lunchdate w/ a good friend, supersize friends, and hangin out at Rock Bottom for Danielle's b-day party...it was good seeing her. I even saw my STAFFER there! So it was totally cool. The DJ could've used some help, but that's alright. I also got to see my friends that were @ my own b-day party, and this time I was sober...he he he. Funny how all us older folks left earlier and now they're all on IM..as am I. But I got to play some basketball today, which felt really good, but my knee gets sore for so much longer AFTER I play than it used to...geez...it's so sad to know that as you get older, you can't run as fast, jump as high, etcetera etcetera etcetera... but nonetheless, I'm still workin out and running so as long as you're keeping in shape, it's all good.

I forgot to mention that I got this really cool journal...it's a LOTR journal and it says, "There and back again" on the front, LOTR style, I can't wait to start writing in it...but I haven't been convicted w/ any totally cool things to write just yet...so the blog is good enough. Too bad you can't type in it though, because I type like 100 times faster than I can write. The thoughts all leave by the time I finish one sentence...so I guess I'd have to jot down my thoughts first like outline style and then write them all out. Well, til more thoughts enter this lil brain of mine...

I am a whirling dirvish...

Okay, I just got back from class and I have several key notes...
There was this couple in class when me and Chris first came in. I was saying how I'd probably never take a class w/ my girlfriend, nor would I have given the chance back in school when it WAS a possibility, but I am single now, so it doesn't matter. Anyway, so I was thinking hmmm, I wonder how this is gonna work out. BF doesn't even really pay attention during class but has the day schedule on his desk. Funniest thing happens like 2 hours later, he turns around and asks the lady behind him if she had an extra pen, and it sounded pretty urgent so I thought he heard something he wanted to take notes on. So lady has an extra pen and hands it to him and continues taking her own notes, but what she missed was that he freakin gives the pen to his GF so SHE could take notes! I almost laughed out loud it was so funny, and my friend Michelle saw it too and we were both laughing. I had to tell Chris later cuz he didn't see, but I that that was so absolutely ridiculous...ha h a ha. Next point, I hate people who just blurt out questions throughout the duration of class, once, MAYBE twice, is okay, because some people just have urgent questions and forget to raise their hand. But some people man, speak out like they're the only one in class and that no one else has questions, and they constantly interrupt our teacher, it's annoying. Lastly, I think I'm more into school now than I ever was before. Is this one of those realizations in life that come after the fact? How important learning is? Probably...but hey, I'm enjoying my class so it's all to the good!

One sad really important point I came to realize in class today. My class is one of those financial management classes and stuff...and I just realized that most people out there aren't there to help you out. It's to help themselves while at the same time the screw you. Why else would they con people into getting loans they can't afford, or buying the more expensive car, house, etc. It's because they'll get more $$$ and once they've gotten their $$$ from you, they're done w/ you...that's it, finito, finit, over. I mean, sales people look for the suckers, not really how they can help people out. Makes you kinda have a negative outlook on the world sometimes, no? But hey, I'm not trying to say that the world is bad, and I definitely don't feel that ALL sales people are like this, because I genuinely feel that there is a lot of good out there that overcomes the bad...it's just one of those sad things that you notice, you just gotta be aware and keep looking for the goodness in people I guess.

Before class, I was watching Bush's State of the Union Address, and of course, I have several things to say about the 30 minutes I did see. I always wondered why it always takes so long for that thing to finish, and today, I found out. They do so many lil things that prolong the whole event. First of all, what's with the shaking everyone's freakin hands while you're walking in? Let's save the congrats and hello's after he's given the address, it just makes it soooooo long cuz seriously, he shook hands w/ like 50 people before he got to the podium, and of course w/ each handshake, there has to be words...goodness...talk about torture. Second thing was that, in 30 minutes(I didn't get to see the whole thing, remember?) the house and company gave 11 Standing O's...ELEVEN...in 30 minutes, that's more than 1 every 3 minutes...WTF?!?!? Dude, that made everything last soooo much longer than it needs to be. Can't someone say something like, please hold your applause til the end? Like at graduations or something? And finally, there's like lil pauses that make it longer, when Bush is like waiting for an applause...I bet the whole address could be shortened by a good 15-20 minutes excluding all of the above. Secondly, just by seeing the type of poeple who are AT the state of the union and by who Bush focuses on in the address, it's obvious how little we, the youth and the future care about our own gov't and country. It's kinda saddening, I think, and yes, I know I am not always intent on learning what the heck our gov't is doing, but just by what I heard, things that are geared towards our future is in part of that address and I think we all need to learn from it. I mean, we're talking about the future here, cleaner environments, wars, and I guess to me it's a big deal cuz my kids will be living in this world and I want to have been able to say I helped make it like this(and by "like this," I mean good). I don't know what all this banter is about, maybe it's the age thang, ha ha ha, but I just wish more people cared. I guess that's just the bottom line.

Not having medical insurance sucks major doodoo...so it took an $80 trip to the hospital to find out that 1) I need more fruits and vegetables in my diet (What wonders they can work w/ a cup full of pee) and 2) I can take non-prescription allergy pills. Goodness, I wish I had medical, so to all y'all, take advantage. But it was good to know that everything is okay w/ me except for those two things.

So here I sit in the dark readin blogs, which have not been updated as of late..save for a few. And me and Ai realized that everyone must be busy, and we are not. But now she is busy, and I am not, so I am alone. Ahhhh....I'm in such a blah mood right now, so I will write again when I am not so blah...

I am a watery knee...

I've resolved(yet again) to be more assertive in certain situations. Forgive the ambiguity, but we'll just see where this road takes me...la la la la(I don't know what that's supposed to be, but imagine me skipping down the yellow brick road or something. Jon's blog today was quite amusing, errr, was it yesterday's...I don't know, but whatever, entertaining nonetheless. My neck still hurts, from my party and I've been hearing more and more stories about the silly things I said and did...wow, how scary not to have any recollection of said events. I also popped a blood vessel in my eye or something, so the white part(closer to my nose) is totally blood red, it's kinda cool...check it out, If I was all comp-savvy I could put a digital pic right here but there is nothing...sorry. But thinking about that party, I want to get everyone together for another one, and not have me drink so much so that I can hang w/ people and not be a total idiot. Tomorrow I have a doctor's appt all the way in LA again, and have to come back to Irvine for class...which has so far been probably the most interesting happening in my life that's worth mentioning. I need to start packing my stuff for the move back to LA but have really no idea where to start, nor do I really want to start either. I've lived in the OC sooooo long that I've really become accustomed to the serenity of Irvine...I don't know call me old or whatever...but that's just how I feel...LA's right there anyway. But like I said before, I think that God's pointing me back home, at least for now and we'll just see where things go from there. Good things about LA though, partytime and eating time, there's such a diverse amount of things to do...bad things, traffic, traffic and traffic. I hate traffic. Oh wells, not really much on my mind today, so I guess I'll get back to reading and call it a tuesday!

"Let he who is without sin cast the first stone"

So I'm trying to piece together the night that was my birthday. I don't remember practically anything about it, I was so hammerred, but here are some highlights, from what I hear from other people...
-had way too much to drink
-I had steak and potato skins for dinner
-I got caught trying to pass off a drink
-spent most of my time yelling out names of people who were there
-I went through two rolls of film
-I called someone a bitch(for which I am verrrrry sorry)
-people didn't know where I was most of the night
-I got kicked out at a little after one o'clock
-I ripped off my wifebeater like I was Hulk Hogan or something
-I puked my guts out for like an hour

So now, I am just dealing w/ the aftermath of such an evening. I could barely move the whole day...slept ate a little slept some more, watched the superbowl, and talked to friends from last night and laughed about all my freakin antics of the evening. Man, world's worst hangover, I'm telling you. And my whole plan with the, I won't take a drink unless you drink it w/ me" idea didn't work, obviously. Can't really think straight right now either, I'm so damn tired...but I just wanted to jot down a those few thoughts...but from what I hear I had an awesome time!!! So thanks compadres!

I am an alarm clock, ready to go off...

I am so excited for tomorrow, time to hang out w/ friends, time to dance, time to eat, drink, and be Jay!!! I've never had a shindig like this, and apparently, it's obvious that I can barely contain myself. However, I am quite afraid about the whole drinking thing. Even if I drink w/ 1/5 of the people who are supposed to go, that's over 20 drinks, which at this point in my life and drinking career is by far way too much. And because i have no J O B, I don't have any medical insurance, so I'll tell people that, so as to deter them from pushing me closer to alcohol poisoning, ha ha ha. Plus, I wanna remember most of the night, who was there, what i did, what other people did, etcera etcetera etcetera...

You know I took a good long look in the mirror yesterday, and I realized that age is totally in the eyes...you can see the experiences, the sorrows, the joys, the pains, and lessons learned in those two windows to your soul. Pretty cool, I think.

Anyway, another day older...25 years and one day to be precise, and no significant changes. I got a lot of calls from my friends, and I totally felt the love, so all my heartfelt gratitude to all my friends and family, and I got some cool stuff, bowling shoes, the friends trivia game, and an awesome picture of Rivendell to name a few. So tomorrow, I shall attempt to do the impossible, blog totally sloshed...odds are I won't even make it to the point where I will even be thinking about this, but I guess we'll just have to wait and see!

"Remember The ALAMO!!!!"

I am the antique trinket sitting on the shelf in a pawn shop, another year older...

This is gonna be a long one. Well it's been a while and I've just been doing this and that and not really in the mood for blogging. I did decide to start a pen journal again, for those deeper more private thoughts...otherwise known as private bitch sessions, he he he.

So today, I hit the quarter-life...and I woke up sore. Thus far, it's been a normal day, with the occasional phone call here and there or e-mail, from my awesome awesome friends...thanks. V just came back from the Philippines and decided to crash the night...he brought us some trumpo's from there and we spent about an hour outside just playing with them. Then, we hit up Jack in the Box last night right around midnight cuz I hadn't eaten all day since lunch and I worked out AND played ball. I fell asleep while they were playing Madden and moved upstairs at around 5 this morning, to see that I had just washed all my sheets and pillowcases and stuff, so I had to totally set up my bed before I could crash. So needless to say, I was quite exhausted, which contributed to my extreme soreness today, I guess. Everytime I was about to fall into deeper sleep, someone would call(I'm not mad) and I would be wide a wake again...this happened like 5 times...but oh well, I was more glad to hear from friends than sleep. So today, it seems as though it will be a normal run of the mill day. I'm gonna have lunch w/ a few buddies, and then run some errands..oil change, bills, etc. then Dinner and bowling tonight...as usual. So we'll see what the heavens have in store for me for the rest of the day.

Anyway, a couple things since my last blog I guess. First of all, the job search has been somewhat productive. one interview yesterday w/ an awesome company. I really liked that place...fairly large company based in the UK, so were I to get the position, I would be taking a good amount of trips overseas to the UK headquarters...I don't wanna be too excited about it, but I can't help it. Nonetheless, it would be an extremely awesome opportunity. Thus, my fingers are crossed tighter than my old bowling shoes...

This past weekend, I was helping out at a retreat, and well, I thought it would be an opportune time to pray for a little clarity in my life...and guess what, I got it. I finally saw that the way that the latest events in my life, my layoff, my cousins not getting granted US visas and thus not being able to come here to stay w/ pop, and my lease about to end...these events are all pointing to the fact that I need to go back home, at least for a while. And if I get this torrance job, then that would seal the deal. Prior to this, I couldn't figure out if these were signs or if I was supposed to fight all the adversities happening to me so that I should stay in irvine, get a job here, etc. But then I realized that there are not really any coincidences, there is a reason for things that happen...and think really found some clarity in that this weekend. So by March 1st, I shall be an LA resident again, at least for the meantime. :)

Mini-thoughts
I was looking at the yahoo sports page the other day, and it was changed...I don't like it. Why change something that was already good? I guess that's one sign of getting older, not being so adaptive to change. he he he, but seriously, I've taken a poll and a lot of people don't really like it...so I'm not alone, therefore this is not of I'm getting old type of things.

You know that most people do not know how to give a firm handshake...rather than placing the pressure between the thum and forefinger area, people try to squeeze the crap out of your appendages. Good, firm handshakes are not supposed to hurt. Goodness...that should be like a class in school, handshakes 101...that would be cool!

"Another day older, another day wiser...another day."

I lost my darned blog last night, I was writing it @ freakin 2:30 AM and I hit come button and POOF! it was gone. I was so tired and pissed that I didn't feel like writing again. So here is my second attempt and I know that all the thoughts aren't gonna flow like they did on the first, it always happens like that. So yesterday, I got the chance to hang out w/ my best friend @ this nice lil pastry spot called Sugarplum. Nice and a little out of the way, but still in the way, if you follow me. It's really cool, and I'd never been there before after all the years that I had lived in LA. It was definitely a cool place, and I'll definitely recommend it to my friends. Only thing that sucks is that it's only open til 7PM, I guess it's an earlier spot, and people can hit Insomnia for later hangouts. Then I went to workout @ Bally's...I was supposed to check out this salsa aerobics class somewhere else, but an important issue that my friends had to take care of came up. So we postponed it. After Bally's came dinner, and then I went out to this spot called the Lounge 217, where we had a few drinks and danced all night. It was a lot of fun, and I'm glad I got to hang out...

I got an interview for Tuesday with a company in Torrance, I'm pretty excited...seems like I could possibly be working w/ Englishmen again. The last experience didn't turn out so well, so maybe second time's a charm.

We had some new appliances delivered yesterday, a new fridge and dryer. I stupidly forgot to call the gas company to get them to install a shut-off valve before the bestbuy people came. So they couldn't install the dryer yesterday, even though we paid for the flex-line and installation kit. So I called the freakin gas company and they can't install a shut-off valve unless they're installing the entire appliance...the dude on the phone was a total jerk too. So 2 installation charges later(as of this morning), we STILL can't use it, because we have to get the ventilation kit. The installation dude was nice though...just sucks that they don't tell you everything you need all the time...so you have to buy this...and that...and call this...and that. It's kinda annoying. Being home home gets a little tough on my mind sometimes...and if you don't know why, well there are a lot of reasons...the errands and stuff don't bother me at all, but one part of it has to do with the freedom and independence thing, and that's just a personal thing. I feel like I can't support myself, after for the past 2 years I've been doing so. But that, can simply be overcome and well, I guess I just gotta deal w/ the cards that are given. There are other reasons too, but those are better left for those who talk to me on a personal leve. Beyond the normal chit chat. Just venting, as usual...

You know what I realized? Is how word spreads faster on Blogs than by word of mouth, not that it's a big deal or anything. But it was just funny to me that something I mentioned in my blog got to one of my friends before I was even able to tell them. I told them that if they checked my blog, they would've known too, but they hadn't. And it's not like I post big ass news on my blogs before I tell my friends anyway, not like I got engaged or anything. Which of course, I am NOT...I don't even have a girlfriend...so no worries about that...he he he...

Well today, I'm writing some letters to some people for an event, preparing a talk that I need to do this weekend, and plan on doing some home home errands for mom. Up up and away!!!

I am a red riding hood....

Evolution...
Isn't crazy how technology has evolved so much over the years? I was talking w/ a friend of mine earlier tonight about how technology today allows us to talk on our phones practically anywhere or chat w/ people on the other side of the world in real time, and so much more...just think how no more than 6 years ago, most of us had pagers and created our own alphabets w/ numbers. 1231773177812 74053 7117735 he he he, those were cool...but I'm glad that things are easier and we don't have to decipher those numbers anymore...

Well, today ended day two of unemployment and more resumes were sent out, along w/ more working out, more basketball, and calss. The management class I'm taking is pretty cool, I found out one of my old friends from church was taking the class too...small world. Pop went into the hospital today to get some procedures done on him, he gets out tomorrow so I'm gonna head back up to LA to go take him back home. Everything seems to be fine, and I'm looking forward to taking him out of that hospital and bringing him back home. Not much else to say really...so I shall go to bed now...

I am a stopped pocketwatch...

My first official day of unemployment began today. And what a productive day it turned out to be. I applied for some jobs online, also applied for unemployment(by the way, if you recently lost your job, you are entitled to unemployment, most people have no idea that they are...but anything helps when you're out of a job, plus you have nothing to lose if you don't qualify, right?), went grocery shopping(of which I will mention again in a second), cleaned up a little, played some basketball, cooked dinner, and had bible study. Quite a lot, no? So I guess this has been a much needed break from the monotonies of the working world. But I do need to get back into it soon, or else move back home and just wait til somethin comes along. So that is the current situation, try to find a job, and quickly, so I can make a decision on whether I continue living in the OC or back @ home. There are a lot of other factors that need to be considered also, and I have to make a final decision within probably the next 3 weeks, at most. My, things get complicated when things change so suddenly...but I am not as worried still, I know I'll get through this. Just a matter of time, I suppose.

So, I said I would mention the grocery store again...lil tip, when you decide to walk to the grocery store, remember that you walked about 1/2 a mile to get there and be smart w/ what you're getting. Apparently, am saying this because I did just that. And I bought way too much stuff man, I guess I got a little carried away w/ my having to be home for a while and trying not to spend so much money eating out...it was torture walkin back...I felt like such an idiot and that everyone was watching me and waiting to see if I'd fall or something...sheesh...but I was determined not to embarass myself even more than already was...so I did it, got all the way back to the apt without stopping, but my wrists and hands, and shoulders hurt like hell when I got there...so word to the wise, don't even walk to the grocery store to buy stuff....just drive. It'll be all to the better that way.

Appreciations for the day
-unlooked for vacations
-friends, who know what to say to you when you're down, who truly believe in you, and who just want to make sure you're okay
-fellowships
-good music
-a good quote

"He who has the why to live for can bear with almost any how."
-Nietzsche

Insomnia...
I hate when you know you need to sleep and you want to sleep, but you just can't. Such has been my dilemna over the past 2 1/2 hours...It's freakin 2:31 AM and I want to sleep already because I want to get up early tomorrow and get everything on my to do list done, but alas, tis not so. I hate how so many things can be like sleeping roadblocks...thoughts, even physical stress or bloodflow stuff. I haven't really done anything physical today cuz I'm still quite freakin sore from goin at the weights yesterday, or should I say Saturday...so I guess there's still a lot on my mind. Damn, how do you NOT think of stuff and go to bed? I heard that factors in bigtime when you need rest...as in it doesn't let you get any when you're thinking alot. I wish I had like a thoughts switch so that when it was bedtime, you can turn off the switch, like a lightswitch I guess, but probably a lot more complicated, and poof, all thoughts are off for the night. But I guess that would be bad cuz then you can turn it off in the day when you're awake too, not like you'd do it on purpose cuz you always need your thoughts(well I don't know how EVERYONE is), or accidentally turn it off, or it could malfunction. Wait a second, maybe I didn't think this through very much, there are too many loopholes, kinda w/ the butthole and nostril question...not enough details, I guess my mind switch is already off....hmmm, I need to tire myself out, run? nah, maybe I'll do some pushups or something, but I heard that exercising before bedtime also contributes to no sleep...man, what am I to do...I know, I'll go upstairs, lay on my bed and pick up one of my old engineering textbooks. Hmmm, here's one, One of the most fundamental equations known in fluid flow is Bernoulli's equation, good for laminar flow...cannot...keep...eyes...open.....any....lon

I am thin ice, wafer thin ice…

In the Blink of an eye…
Things can change drastically. A pleasant dream can turn into a living nightmare. You can be standing proud and tall, but then knocked down and kicked in the dirt. For me, that “blink” happened on Friday. It was actually a really good day, more or less, when much to my surprise and defeat, I was called in to the VP’s office. I knew my day had taken a turn for the worst when he asked me to close the door. I can still remember the exact line, “Well, it really pains me to tell you that today is gonna be your last day…” The rest is kinda blurred because of the significant effect that first sentence had on me. It was done totally professionally and w/o any malicious intentions. We shook hands, he asked me to keep in touch, apologized that it had to come to this and I was on my way. But still, my life was suddenly flip-turned upside down. And for a good long while, I soaked in it and let it bring me down. It still catches me at times off guard and I fall, because to be honest, this thing is gonna take a little while for me to get over. I fought back the tears, at least until I was in my car and on my way home. But then, I prayed, and a friend of mine even prayed w/ me. I prayed for strength, and understanding, and most of all patience. Why had this happened to me? Why, after everything else that has been brought upon me and my family? And then, I realized that this is just another one of those things…it happens, and there’s nothing that can really be done about it, but keep my head up. And I can easily say, “Screw it all, I give up…,” but I won’t. Far, far worse things have happened in my life less within this past year and this is doesn’t even compare. There is a far bigger picture that I will never see nor be able to comprehend until I come to my last breath in this life. So I will rise above…with a little help from my family and friends, of course. A job is a job, and there are plenty (okay, well maybe not so plenty) out there.

After running my family’s weekly errands, which lasted up until about 11PM Sat night, I was able to get in a workout(earlier in the day) and even go to Starbucks and get some alone time. I think my sister did me some good by trying to keep me busy, but I would eventually be alone with my thoughts, and it’s important that I need to be, because I need to figure out how I am going to do things over the next few months, until I am blessed w/ some stability again. Maybe it was a sign, that I should come back home home (although I have my own personal protestations about that ) for a while and help more with my family, and not just the weekends. I guess I’ll have to see how things pan out. My sister mentioned to me that for a family that’s been through all that we have so far, we have gotten through it all. And again, I think it’s mom who is one of the strongest people I have ever ever known, and this is no exaggeration. And sometimes, it takes the hardest times to prove one’s true character and strength. It’s tough to explain how crazy things get around here, but I can see that it was in God’s plan that my mom be with my dad, because it shows…the patience she has with him, the endless strength she has in taking care of things when I was at work, and especially because he gets so frustrated and sometimes cannot control his temper and expression, all he does is yell. And I can’t stress how difficult it is for me to see my dad like that. I try to put myself into his situation, and try to imagine his complete and utter frustration. And I have these dreams, dreadful dreams about another stroke, and things I dare not even mention. And there are other things I haven’t even mentioned… Sometimes I feel like I am so alone and that no one can help, because I can’t even do anything to help. And it almost never fails to bring tears to my eyes…argh…enough. If I have learned anything thus far, it’s this: 1)You are NEVER truly alone, God is always there…always, and 2) Constantly reiterate to myself and those loved ones around me to try and never ever EVER take anything for granted, as hard as we can. There are far more blessings in our lives than we are aware of, and we focus far too much of our time on the things we shouldn’t, so take the time to pick them out of the picture…

This who family situation is some test, and I think one of the biggest things that make me weak sometimes. Thank goodness for all those people who have been there for me during these trying times, I am eternally indebted to you. This is very personal stuff to blog about, and I know other people read this, so please don’t think I’m going all basket-case on you or anything, but I just really needed to express myself. But I think I’ve generally been quite open w/ my posts, and by not doing so, the whole purpose for this to me would be completely useless…and again, as usual, this is MY site.

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end."
-Jeremiah 29:11

I've resolved to use my lunch hour to take a walk instead of eating at least once a week...that way, I have an automatic "one" workout per week...and I can build on it. It was good though, cuz it was a lil breezy and cool outside, I hate walking in blaring heat. But it was a good walk, and I did break a lil sweat.

The first step in personalizing my office has been taken. My giftcards to Best buy finally got me some good stuff for my office. I got a CD player slash radio for my desk, and the Les Mis soundtrack(that's my favorite musical). So working at my desk all day has become a lot more tolerable, cuz I'm not working in miserable silence. Although I have my wonderful AIM buddies to chat w/ all day, it's still too quiet in here. Next step, I plan on putting some framed art or something on the walls. And a frame for my desk w/ pictures. Since I don't have a little woman and kids, not even a girlfriend, I'll have to put up pics of friends...and my folks, sis, and niece and stuff... Right now, "Lean on Me" is playing on KRTH 101, I love oldies....sometimes I wanna just get up and dance to this groovy music, but I think I won't, not here...not now, he he he...maybe later in my car. I think people who are driving near or around me trip out when they see me in my car, cuz I'm singing and dancing like a maniac. But I think that's the only way I can get through all that damn traffic, immerse myself in song and dance...I would recommend anyone to try it.

My friend future father-in-law passed away recently. I haven't talked to her for a while, but I feel so sad for her. She's really been having a hard time w/ it...cuz it was totally expected. I wonder how I would spend my time if I knew that my time was limited, and yes, I know all of our time is limited, but this is kindof a different case...you have a general idea. I don't even wanna think about that...

"It's the most unhappy people who most fear change."
-Mignon McLaughlin

I wonder why cuts and stuff itch so damn much when they're healing. What is that a sign of? Cuz I'm one of those "scratchers." When somethin itches, I scratch it....and scratching a healing cut or whatever does not help, cuz the cut just opens up again...the body and it's processes are such a mystery...

In all my chaotic sickness, which by the way, I'm still feeling today...I forgot to mention my utter frustration that yet another cousin was denied while applying for a US visa. I don't quite understand why, but all I know is that it's complete and utter BS. That's the second cousin in as many months man, and mom was really bummed to find that out. The reason they wanted to come here was to help us out w/ our situation. So that she could live here and help take care of pop while my mom would try to set her up w/ a job over here, that way, that way things would be alot easier on mom and all of us. I mean I can only help on the weekends because of work, and going every weekend plus work really takes it's toll, physically. It would have been a huge help w/ an extra hand around the house... But alas, that is not meant to be. Argh man...I wonder who it is that's denying them, I'd like to give him a piece of my mind, and a piece of my fist and foot too.


I walked last night instead of running...and way far too. I don't know exactly how far yet, but my and my friend walked for a good 1:15 minutes. You don't realize it, but that shit gets you way more tired than you might think it does. I'm gonna drive my walking route to see how far it was. Pretty crazy, I think...and then I did some sit-ups and push ups... I'm thinking about doing that at least once a week, if I'm too lazy to run or hit the gym or play ball or something. I guess I gotta start counting calories too, so that I am burning more than I am taking in. Such is the life of a wannabe healthy adult...(sorry Joe, had to copy your trademark slogan for today).

"Hair today, gone tomorrow..."

Just by the mere fact that I am writing this blog, you can assume that I didn't go running...sorry Cic. I'm still not feeling well, and don't wanna get sicker...tomorrow, I promise.

I cannot believe what I just saw. Me and the roomie were watching the UC Irvine basketball game at CSUF. They lost by one....DAMNIT, and screwed it up too. Damn man, they had that game. They came back and tied it to send it into over time...were up by one w/ 5 seconds left and had 2 free throws to increase the lead but only hit one. So up by two, 5 seconds left, all you gotta do is play good defense and not foul. They did neither of the two. They allowed the Fullerton player to dribble the ball straight up the middle of the court and then freakin Matt Ocoro tried to take a charge and the guy hits the basket and the free throw w/ 0.3 seconds left. Why on earth would you let a guy pretty much dribbling in absolute haste up the court and shooting, a pretty wild shot at that...and then try to take a charge? What was he THINKING? goodness...let the guy take the out of control shot and well, if he hits it, then you go into another overtime...instead, the guy had the opportunity to seal the game, and naturally, he did...what a shame.

Man, I hate being sick. Other than the fact that I get a day off work, it sucks to feel like this. I have a headache, I've been coughing like crazy, and I just don't feel hot at all. And I don't think I should be smoking as much either, it's not really helping. But it was good to have a day off, and just chill at the apt til like 5 before going out to have my first meal of the day. Wonderful and health-conscious Del Taco. But I got to run a few errands as well. Not all of them, but a few. Returned some oversized clothing over at the Gap, got some links taken out of my new watch, and found some stuff to get w/ my gift cards @ Best Buy. You know what I just realized, that I have now been of for 3 Wednesdays in a row...what a weird coincidence. Oh well.

Last night, we went to a going away dinner thing for our friend Rob, who's going to Korea, indefinitely. A party of 10 ended up turning into a party of like 30...lots of people, lots of drinks, lots of fun. Me and my roomie ended up staying up til like 4:30 this morning just talking w/ our friend that was visiting us from New York. In addition to hanging out w/ my sick friend the other day, I think that contributed to my feeling so under the weather. I even had to cancel a dinner today because of that. Sheesh, getting sick just knocks you out of it totally.

So I decided to have my b-day thing @ Gotham Hall. My friend Cecile had it there a while back and it was pretty fun, so I thought it would be cool to celebrate it over there. I don't think too many people will go, but I've never really celebrated that way, so I figure it'll be cool. A good excuse to see all my friends, whom I haven't had the opportunity to see for a long time. So if you're a friend of mine, and you didn't get an e-mail, I probably don't have your e-mail address...so drop me one and I'll send it to you...my e-mail's over there on the left...

For the rest of the day, I shall finish watching the Simpson's, consider whether or not I'm up for running tonight, take a shower(pending on the run), read my book and go to sleep. Ahhh, what an exciting life I lead...

I am a blank page on the daily planner sitting on my desk...

Dude, comment boxes are dope. I got the most comments ever on one of my recent posts...it's cool to see what people think about what I'M thinking about, kindof like a blog within a blog...if that makes sense at all, this is probably one of "those things" engineers do. Try to sound intelligent when it's not really true, he he he. My Banana Republic order finally came in, and as usual, the pants were too long. Freakin A man, that makes like 5 pairs of pants that I must have altered now...goodness. If there's anything I hate about being so short, it's the fact that clothing isn't really designed for people of my stature. And mostly I'm talking about pants. Shirts, there's always smalls and mediums, which, by the way, are quite difficult to find at times because they are not produced in the same numbers as your larges and x-larges and so on. But pants? When man created pants, I think short people were never a factor in the equation. Always too long, always have to cut them...goodness, it's just sad. Make a short guys' strife even worse by leavin him out? I mean, 32x28 is like trying to find a needle in a haystack, pardon the cliche, but seriously, it is. So I have to get the 32x30 and go to some alteration place. And it costs money to do that too, just a shame that there's no in-house tailor at every clothing store, that would make me so much happier.

For the first time in probably almost 2 months, we had bible study. I think it was really awesome and I think I needed it to just set me in motion again. For me, it's pretty hard to continue on sometimes w/o people there w/ you to figure out stuff with. I mean, I do that stuff w/ my friends too, but in a bible study type atmosphere, I think my attitude is stimulated more such that I re-evaluate my current relationship w/ God and continue towards working on it. It really helps to have peers to fellowship with, and for me, that type of activity really helps me. Some people think that it's a waste of time, but I just don't think that learning ever ends, and because I think that Faith is my personal relationship w/ God, then working on it also never ends. But like I said, it was a good thing and we have resolved to make it a more consistent affair for 2003.

"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give."
-Sir Winston Churchill

I am the beginning of a stalagmite...

You know what I learned today...I overestimate some people's strength. Not in a bad way, I just don't always realize that those people who I think are rock solid thru any trial and tribulation also have their moments of weakness, moments when they wanna give up, and moments where they just need to vent. Mom is one of these cases. I know she is SO strong w/ everything that she has had to deal with during this past half-year, taking care of pop, helping my sis out w/ London, and even helping me out whenever I needed it. I think I've neglected that she has wanted to vent out and just have her own time to just think about things. I just wish she was more expressive and didn't just bottle it all up all the time. Well, she got to vent out to me. And I'm glad she did...it got me pretty emotional I have to admit, being that I've never heard my mom vent out her frustrations before, but at the same time, it made me feel a special bond w/ her that I had never felt before. The obstacles and hardships that have come down our paths have really come to bring us closer together and stronger throughout. I'm just glad she knows she can come to me when she's frustrated. Reminder to self...EVERYONE gets frustrated...so let them have their vent sessions.

I was thinking the other day while I was running an errand. I had to drop off some mail for my mom, but the post office was already closed so I just dropped it in the mailbox. It was then that I realized, that w/ all the bad things we see in happening in the world, there's still good stuff out there. Take for example the mailbox...you drop your mail, and the Post Office organizes it such that it can get to its desired destination in a timely manner. But what's to stop some random person from dropping their chocolate milshake into the box? I mean, the opening is pretty big, and there's no real security around it(except if you get caught, you'd probably go to prison or something cuz I'm sure some type of federal law keeps you from doing it), but yet no one does anything to ruin it. So to know that some moron isn't doing something like ruining the mail for so many other people, puts a smile to my face :) Albeit people may be doing it because they wouldn't want someone to do it to THEIR mail, but it's the thought th@ counts... So just when you think people out there are just plain old evil, rememer the mailbox scenario.

Today's randoms...
-I ate lunch at this new Thai restaurant close to work. It was pretty damn good and pretty damn cheap. I love lunch spots like that.
-You don't realize how much of a nuisance button-fly's are unless you have to go to the bathroom like 4 times a day or if you're in a real big hurry...
"There comes that mysterious meeting in life when someone acknowledges who we are and what we can be, igniting the circuits of our highest potential."
-Rusty Berkus

Dude, I just came back from the funniest trip to Jack in the Crack w/ my roomie and one of our friends. It's so windy outside it's actually pretty scary. So we were driving, and there were tumbleweeds everywhere, it looked like there were boulder's rolling around everywhere!!! We were laughing so hard cuz everyone was just stopping like the tumbleweeds were gonna hurt them. But it was pretty cool to watch.

What a weekend! The lakers lost to Phoenix last night and just won tonight. Dude, the Colts AND the Pack got Blasted and then Pitt and the Niners came back...what a playoff weekend...it was awesome. Niners, w/ the second-biggest comeback in playoff history...the biggest being the Bills over Houston way back in the day when Houston was still the Oilers and Buffalo dominated the AFC but couldn't win the superbowl. Yes, yes, I was a bills fan back then...shoot, had to root for someone, and my Lions just haven't been much of a team... Anyway, enough sports...the sink at mom and pop's house is broken so after church, we went to OSH and bought a new kitchen faucet, but I couldn't install it cuz I couldn't remove the old one...it was all sealed up w/ Silcone sealant and I couldn't get underneath it and remove everything. I'm always fixing stuff around the house, but what I hate is when it doesn't work out, people have something to say. When ever something needs assemblingare like, "Damn, engineer...dadadadadada." People, engineers aren't carpenters, repair technicians, assembly guys, etc. Everytime things need to be fixed, people say some shit like, "Let the Engineer do it." It's so annoying when people say stuff like that cuz, that's not what I went to school for. He he he, it doesn't bother me as much as it really seems to, it's just funny...and I just wanted to express it like this :)

I just found out I'm taller than 5'2". HELL YEAH! I grew!!! Ha ha ha, cuz Jon Jon's DOCTOR told him he was 5'3" and I'm taller than Jon Jon, so that makes me at least 5'3" plus some...today is an good day...just had to share that news! W/ myself, apparently, ha ha ha!

Man, back from work and I SOOOOO don't wanna work. Had lunch at the Elephant Bar w/ some coworkers after goin to the bank. That's actually the first time I've gone out to lunch w/ coworkers...usually it's just Joe, who works over in Norwalk and Rob, who's @ home in La Mirada. Occasionally Janelle from Downey will come down for lunch, and that's about it. But the occasion was Cindy's last day here...we even had cake in the conference room. It's sad to see her go, she was so fun and energetic, and was really good at decorations and stuff...damnit, my connection thing to my laptop is really being weird...it keeps disconnecting. Oh well, anyway, so we had cake and ice cream and it was cool. And now I dont' wanna work at all.

Westerfield got sentenced to the death penalty...how sad. I know this is probably totally opposite from what most people think, but I am not for the death penalty. I just don't see the justification in killing someone who has done so themselves. To me, that just makes me feel like we're just as bad. It's like wronging a wrong w/ a wrong, and as you know 2 wrongs don't make a right. Unfortunately, I cannot provide a solution, I just know that deep down in my heart of hearts, it's just not right. Probably because of my relationship w/ Father Pat over at Interfaith, but he has really shown me that life is not about killing off those that WE think deserve death. Some people who deserve to die live and some people who deserve to live die. It's not OUR decision in my opinion. And I truly believe that God will judge each of us for our actions in this life. I think sometimes we are so focused on revenge and punishment, we forget about forgiveness. I don't know why I'm trippin like this, maybe just because I was just thinking back into a debate I got into about this subject, and I was referred to as idealistic. But I don't think there's anything wrong w/ that, I think it's my ideals that keep me going...to know that there is more good in the world than bad(Goodness, I sound like Sam Gamgee)...sheesh, life is hard, ain't it?

I am a foot, planted to the floor...

Why is it sometimes you KNOW you have to do something yet are either completely lazy to do it, or just reluctant to get it started? Cuz at work I have this incredibly huge project I need to get started on, and it's gonna take me a while to finish. And I dont' think it's cuz I'm feeling lazy or anything, maybe it's just cuz the project itself is so daunting that once I take the initiative to start I know I'll be working for a while. That means I'll be away from my desk an in the warehouse on the ladder or the wave(this forklift-type thing we have...we have a forlift too, but that's pointless to use for the task at hand). I don't wanna be walkin around that whole time, measuring the topside of our valves and creating true to scale dimensions...wait...I guess that is just being lazy then. Nonetheless, I shall banter for a while...

Shapin Up
I actually ran last night! How far, I don't really know and don't really care, cuz regardless of how short the distance was, I was heaving like I had just run a marathon. So I know my body got a good workout. I think it was probably like a mile and a quarter or something...Plus, I'm a tad sore, so I know I worked somethin out. Tomorrow, I plan on hitting the gym for the first time since September...woah, that's a long time. I'll be bloggin about incredible soreness Sunday...watch. I've also resolved to not eat so much all the time...I managed to purchase myself only a banana from the morning snack truck, and I also have resolved to eat out for lunch only once or twice a week. I'll probably still go out to eat w/ my Lunch crew friends, but I'll probably just bring a lunch, which is either leftover dinner from the night before, or prepared the night before. I am aiming to have lost about 10 pounds by the time I finally quit smoking. I got on a scale over at target earlier this week and I currently weigh in at about 157. Sheesh, that's only 4 lbs lighter than the heaviest weight I've ever been. And keep in mind I'm only 5'2", if that. And supposedly, you gain a lil weight when you stop...I don't know exactly what it is, but that's what I heard, and I think it's a lil true. The last time I quit smoking I put on like 4 pounds. And it's not cuz smoking suppresses your appetite or anything, I ALWAYS eat. So here's to shaping up...

I am a pheonix, rising out of the ashes...

Re-polished
So it's a new year, and things are still kinda the same. I feel that whole "it's a fresh start, out w/ the old in with the new, let bygones be bygones" type feeling but, it's still a Thursday and I'm still working, as usual. But New Year's was fun...I partied @ Champs over at the spectrum, didn't barhop as I thought I would cuz it was just too packed everywhere, w/ a few friends. Drinking and Dancing was the theme of the night. The highlight would have to be the two girls who we convinced to kiss each other...other than that...the nite as a whole was a good time, nothing off the wall like my past New Year's celebrations in Vegas and in NYC, but fun nonetheless...next year, a friend suggested we go to Hawaii for new years...and being that I have never been there, it sounds like a good idea. Vegas is the back up, and plan C is to throw a partay for all the friends so that we can all celebrate in drunken revelry on 2003 gone by. Wow, 2003...sounds pretty crazy...wonder how long it'll take me before I actually writing it down as the date w/o correcting 2002...

So I'm wearing a white polo today...and of course it got dirty. Why is it whenever you wear white, it seems to call out to things like sauce and ketchup like it was a magnet or something? Freakin A man, 2 little tiny drops managed to successfully attack my shirt and now it is stained....but when I'm wearing any other color...nope, doesn't happen...too bad my favorite color, well, it's not really a color, but anyway, is white. Maybe I'm just over careful when I'm wearing white? I don't know...too bad I don't have those stain resistant clothes... have you seen the commercial for those stain resistant khakis? Those are cool...but I wonder how you wash them if they seem to repel just about every substance known to the human existence(yes I'm exaggerating, but I didn't make that one of my resolutions to stop, so HA!) on the ad.... I'll just wear a bib at lunch from now on...that's the ticket.

I was thinking of actually doing some type of celebration thing for my b-day...but I don't know what...so far the ideas that come to mind, w/ the help of my genius wannabe friend, roller rink(yes, it's a rink, not a ring), karaoke, mini-golf, and bowling. I am still narrowing down ideas, but will probably go w/ the good ole club scene. I haven't gathered my friends together yet for somethin like that so maybe....

I was reading some of my old blogs (Yes I read my own blogs...hey, it's like my diary, why wouldn't I? I read my old journal entries...so is this not the same thing?) and man, a lot did happen in 2003...goodness. Well Here's to a new year of memories and many more things to come!